i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
