Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
