Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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