The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
