a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
