grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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