this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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