I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
