guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
