New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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