I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
