they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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