Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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