thus making me awesome and them whores
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
