dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
