When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
