stop calling my apartment porn island.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
