im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
