he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
