i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
