went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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