You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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