I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we made out on top of his cat.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
