just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
