Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
