you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
