well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
