He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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