every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
