Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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