dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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