I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
