Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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