mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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