is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just blew my weed a kiss
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
