Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
