Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
