his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
