He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
