I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
birth control should be required to get into college
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
