jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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