and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why are your pants in the freezer?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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