He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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