haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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