There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She even gives head with a lisp.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
