I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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