Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
