the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
