shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
