i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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