You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
