i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I want a musical about memes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
