I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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