Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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