apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
