I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
