i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
