Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
