Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
